Second Firsts Are Hard (And Sometimes Even Harder for “Others”)

It’s challenging enough to balance your own emotions between a lost spouse and a new-found love. But, trying to balance the emotions and responses of others can prove to be even more exhausting.

Losing someone is difficult, no matter to what capacity you lost them or to what capacity your relationship had reached. When you lose a best friend, a lover, a husband, your heart is ripped clear open and into a thousand many pieces. The face you present to your loved ones, to your family, to the public is one that’s put together even if inside it feels like you are falling apart.

Eventually you might find a way (I honestly think this can only happen with God’s help) to put yourself back together again, for realz this time, on the inside. But, that genuine smile. That glow. Especially if you’ve fallen in love with another might hit others wrong.

To them, it might feel like a slap in the face. They may think that you’ve forgotten who you lost. They might think it doesn’t hurt anymore. After all, they don’t see the waves of grief wash over you, so clearly those waves must not exist.

YOU know where YOU are at with your grief. You KNOW that your love for your lost loved one will NEVER go away, even if you wanted it to. Don’t let what other people think or don’t know about you get in your way of moving forward.

There is NOTHING wrong with moving FORWARD.

There is NOTHING wrong with falling in love again.

There is NOTHING wrong with starting a family with someone who wants to be a part of your broken life and help you hold together your broken heart.

There is NOTHING wrong with continuing to LIVE even if your late love didn’t have the chance to make it this far.

Your story CAN be BEAUTIFUL again and you can be HAPPY about sharing that BEAUTIFUL STORY. So, do it, friend!

Guilt can be a powerful thing. It can hold us back… Especially Guilt mixed with Grief. Sometimes it can be hard to smile when you know that smile might cause someone pain… But, I CAN ONLY CONTROL ME. And YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU.

As long as you are doing your best, LIVING your life, and remembering the one you lost without letting it consume you, I would say you are doing a DAMN GOOD JOB! Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

You do you. There are no timelines or agendas to follow as far as grief goes. You know you. You do you. That is all.

So, no matter where you are in life… Live for God. Live for you. Don’t live for others. God’s opinion is TRULY the ONLY ONE that counts. <3

To borrow some cheesy quote from some brand that I can’t quite remember right now… “It’s YOUR life. Live it Beautifully.”

Be brave, dear one. You’re doing great!!

Love always, Alyssa




PS… My daughter SURE has the smile thing DOWN. She’ll be THREE this month!!!! :-D




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Proud mom, blogger, and coffee consumer

9 thoughts on “Second Firsts Are Hard (And Sometimes Even Harder for “Others”)”

  1. I love this!!!! and you my friend are one gifted cookie!!!! I love that i get to be part of your blogging life!! such a beautiful soul!!!

    1. Oh dear friend, another quote so underrated “until you’ve walked in my shoes…” One could not possibly understand that grief never goes away. What we do with that grief belongs to us, just those of us who share it – together and separately.

      All I see these days is a woman consumed with joy and seeing the good and moving forward in the best way she knows how. God leads us where He chooses and it is up to us how we survive and thrive in these places. So sweet Alyssa, you continue to survive and thrive, please.

      God bless you, Jay and Austyn! I hope you hear Nick whisper in your, well done Alyssa, well done.

      1. Hey Therese!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Your comments do mean the world. I honestly do just try to move forward in the best way I know how. Thank you for your constant support and love. Truly honored to know you. xo

  2. Thank you Theresa for always posting such encouraging comments to Alyssa! I am so very proud of my daughter who has had to endure so much pain at such a relatively young age! I am so thankful that she puts her trust in Jesus Christ alone and looks to Him for healing and acceptance! It has been exciting to see the Lord work in her life and I am so grateful that soon I will gain Jay as a son-in-law! What a blessing! When your children’s heart aches yours aches right along with it, but when it is happy and rejoicing it is just so wonderful! Thanks again for being one of the encouraging voices in her life! I know she appreciates you…-and so do I! 😊 God bless you! ❤️

    1. Thanks Mom! I do sooo appreciate Theresa’s comments. Theresa is also a widow (to her second husband and love of her life). She also experienced deep hurt in her first marriage. These experiences have granted her great wisdom and I deeply admire her and look up to her, just like I do you. Love you Momma!

  3. What about divorce? Starting over? How others perceive you?…in the Christian world. They can beat down their own.

    1. Hey Diane. Divorce is hard, too. Very hard. I’ve seen the effects it has first hand on my family. While I have never experienced it myself, my guess is that the sting, the pain, the chaos feels a bit similar. I believe that two people can make anything work, but you do need TWO people. At some point, and I believe will God lead you to that moment or straight away from it, you might find that God is asking you to move forward. NOT because that was His plan for you all along. NOT because it’s what He wants from you.. But because its the best He can do for you in the current situation. SO, from there…. You start anew. You start over. You learn from your past mistakes as much as you possibly can… And, YOU IGNORE THE HATERS. <3

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