I felt alone in my last miscarriage.

Because I didn’t really tell anyone until it was all over.

The doctor said it happened to 25% of all pregnancies. Then how come I didn’t know many who had faced it?!

It felt like it had happened to NOBODY but me. COMPLETE ISOLATION.

But, after I finally opened up to people about it, I discovered so many other families had gone through this too.

So, this time, I’m not gonna hide. I’m gonna share where I’m at. Not necessarily so that *I* don’t feel alone but so others can see that they aren’t either.

People see my happy posts and sometimes I get messages of people saying they wish they had my life. Cracks me up. I’ve got sucky things in my life always, too. Believe me. Many, in fact. I just normally focus on the good. But right now, I’m gonna share a BAD that I’m in the middle of.

Right now: my worst thing?

I’m having a miscarriage.

I’ve lost one baby before. Nick (my first and late husband) and I had a miscarriage and it was horrible. Now, with my second hubby Jay, just four months into our marriage, we’ve lost one too and it hurts just as much.

My heart is in an entirely different place this time though.

Not because God’s taken everything from me… again. But, because He is everything TO me.

I’m not quite as confused. Not because I understand WHY things like this happen. (I don’t!!) But, because I KNOW that He has a plan and that it is better than mine.

I’m sad, disappointed, heartbroken but still JOYFUL. How can that be? I think happiness is a feeling but JOY is a state of mind. And, for me… these last few years, since I really found HIM, I’ve honestly found that my JOY won’t ever be shaken. No matter what I face. My joy can’t be twisted or buried or drowned.

Because it’s anchored in a foundation that’s indestructible.

I know He hears me.
I know He sees me.
I know His plans are for me.
I trust HIS plan and HIS timing more than I trust my own feelings and guesses at what might be best.

I’ve lost two babies.
I’ve lost my first husband.
But, I will NEVER lose my joy.

This is my second miscarriage. And it hurts as much as the first.

But, my heart is in an entirely different place this time. It’s almost like it’s been made new. In fact, it kind of has. Sure, it’s been broken, but it’s been broken a few times before. And every time it breaks, it comes back together, the cracks remain but they’re healed. Like scars that have allowed openness, stretching and growth.

Every time my heart breaks, I choose to open it up again.

Not because He’s taken everything from me.

But because He IS everything to me. 💓

Buy a Roof; Keep Them Warm

I can press a button to get hot filtered water in an instant, flip a switch to turn on the cozy fireplace, and tap the thermostat up a few degrees if I’m feeling a bit chilly.

But, in other areas of the world, for other families… Things just aren’t so easy.

In April 2015, Nepal was hit with an earthquake that killed over 8,000. Entire villages were destroyed. Hundreds of thousands of people became homeless and children were left orphaned. You may have heard about the earthquake, but you probably don’t know anything about the family there that I’m about to introduce you to.

In one little village in Nepal, a man named Abraham and his wife, Maya, have found themselves in urgent need. In 2015, their home was flattened so they’ve spent the last year raising up new walls and building a house on a rented peice of land (all that they could afford). This little home NOT only serves as a house to their family and one other, but also as the local church for their village.

Abraham and Maya have one biological son, but they are mom and dad to 8 children. Over the years, Abraham and Maya have begun to care for children in the village who are orphaned or who have parents who are unable to care for them.

Right now, Nepal is on the brink of the cold season… And, there, it gets VERY cold. Abraham has been trying to save up enough money to insulate his ceiling. But, with 10 mouths to feed, very little monetary resources as a pastor of a poor village, and a church to run, he’s been unable to do so.

Last year, someone bought them coats to where inside as well as out. They SUFFER during this cold season. These young kids… This little family on the other side of the world in Nepal… They just CANT GET WARM.

You see, when you have a ceiling that isn’t insulated… You end up with a major problem. Any heat that you DO happen to produce… will RISE.

This escaping heat makes the winters harsh.

As I sit here on my couch, under a blanket… I can’t help but feel that we, over here, could do somethin for this family. We could lift them up. We could say, “We see you.”

It’s my 29th birthday on September 23rd… I look at my life…. And, I know, that I need ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

But, I know, for a fact, that these kids need something. And, it’s as simple as a roof.

The local contractors say $2,000 for the plywood, materials, and labor. I say, “That’s IT?”

I thought I would throw this out there… I thought I would see if anyone else would want to help out too. I thought that I could share this link with friends and family and ASK that if you were planning on getting me a gift this year, to PLEASE forego and INSTEAD put that money here.

I want to send Abraham a check on October 1st for $2,000. He says it might end up costing more like $1,800 if he can find someone who costs a bit cheaper. I say that if there ends up being extra, those kids can get some scarves and boots and HECK maybe another coat or two.

My pictures aren’t uploading correctly right now… So I will have to get more up of the rest of the family soon. But, for now, I’ve got this. Her name is Kasumi. She is 8 years old. She is cared for and SO LOVED by Abraham and his wife… Lets show her we care, too.

Let’s keep them warm. Let’s buy a proper roof. I can already tell… This will be my best birthday yet.

(PS… If you can’t give… PLEASE share. ♥)

DONATE HERE: gofundme.com/2eag6f38